Act V Scene I Angelo: Sorry to bother you, but that guy had my chain, even though he won’t admit it. Second Merchant: What kind of person is he? Angelo: He’s very respected and wealthy SM: Shh! Here he comes!
Enter Ant S and Dro S Ang: Yeah, that’s him. He’s wearing my chain. I’ll talk to him. Mr. Antipholus, you’re wearing my chain. How can you say you don’t have it? Ant S: I never said I didn’t have it. SM: You did, you swore you didn’t. Ant S: No I didn’t. SM: I heard you say it! You’re so dishonest, they should lock you up! Ant: You’re the liar! I’ll fight you! SM: Fine!
*Switchblades*
Enter Adriana, Luciana, and Kristal Adriana: Stop him! Get his knife! And Dromio too! Dro S: Run!
Enter the Abbess Amelia Amelia: What are you doing here? Adriana: Getting my husband. He’s crazy Ang: I knew it! SM: Now I’m sorry I fought him. Amelia: How long has he been like this?
Enter Duke Solinus attended; Aegeon bareheadsmen; with the Headsman and other officers
Duke: If anyone wants to pay the bail, he won’t have to loose his head.
Adr: Please, my husband Antipholus is mad, we chased them down after they stole rings, but they scared us off with knives and went into this gate.
Duke: Someone go knock on the gate.
Enter Servant
Servant: They got away
Adr: Liar!
Enter Antipholus of E and Dromio of E
Ant of E: Duke, grant me justice, my wife, she has dishonored me, causing great shame.
Duke: Tell me how
Ant of E: How?! She locked me out of my own house
Duke: Lady is this true?!
Adr: No today we all ate together
Angelo: They are both at fault, no wonder Antipholus of E charges them.
Ant of E: Sir, I’m not drunk nor mad. My wife locked me out. This goldsmith was a witness and he told me to go fetch a chain promising to bring it to where we ate. It was not brought by the time we finished so I went looking for him, and he arrested me.
Angelo: Sir, I am a witness to this all.
Duke: So did he have the chain or no?
2nd Merchant: I heard you confess that you had the chain and when I drew a knife on you, you ran into this ally and you now appear by magic.
Ant of E: I never came between these walls until now and I have never seen the chain.
Duke: I think you are all mad. Call the owner of the house here now.
Exit one to Abbess
Aegeon: Shut up for a sec! I think I see a friend who will help me outta here!
Duke Solinus: Whatever, dude
Aegeon: (to Ant. of E) Aren’t you Antipholus? And isn’t that Dromio, your slave?
Dro. of E: He owned me an hour ago, but thankfully he freed me.
Aegeon: I’m sure you both remember me!
Dro. of E: Actually you remind us of ourselves. We were tied up a little while ago, just like you are now. You’re not Pinch’s patient, are you?
Aegeon: Why are you looking at me like I’m crazy? You know me well!
Ant. Of E: I have never seen you before in my life!
Aegeon: Well, i have gotten some wrinkles. But don’t you remember my voice?
Ant. of E: No
Aegeon: Dromio, Do you?
Dro. of E: No, trust me, I really don’t.
Aegeon: I’m sure you do.
Dro. of E: Fine, but I’m sure I don’t. back off!
Aegeon: You don’t know my voice!? Seven years and I’ve become so weak that my only son can’t recognize me? I may be old and forgetful, but I’m sure that you’re my son Antipholus.
Ant. of E: I’ve never seen my dad in my whole life.
Aegeon: You know that we split up seven years ago in Syracuse. Maybe you’re ashamed to acknowledge that you know me because I’m a pathetic prisoner.
Duke Solinus: I can tell you, I’ve been looking after Antipholus for twenty years and I know he’s never been to Syracuse. Your old age is making you hallucinate. Enter Aemilia with Ant. of S and Dro. of S. Aemilia: Duke, come see this guy who has been totally bitched out All gather to see him Adr: Either I am hallucinating, or I see two hubbies
Duke Solinus: one of these men is the other’s Genius. And same with the other two; which is the real guy and which is the spirit?
Dro. of S: I, sir, am Dromio. Tell him to leave.
Dro. of E: I, sir, am Dromio! Please let me stay.
Ant. S: You’re Aegeon, aren’t you? Or are you his ghost?
Dro. S: Oh, my old master! Who tied him up here?
Aemilia: Whoever tied him up, I will loosen the ropes and with his freedom gain a husband. Aegeon, are you the man that once had a wife named Aemilia who gave birth to two sons? If you are him, speak up! You are speaking to that same Aemilia!
Aegeon: If I’m not dreaming, you are Aemilia. If you really are her, tell me, where is the son that floated away with you on that deadly raft?
Aemilia: Some men in Epidamnum rescued me, him, and the twin Dromio. But fishermen in Corinth kidnapped my son and Dromio and left me in Epidamnum. I don’t know what happened to them after that.
Duke Solinus: These must be the parents to these twins, who were once separated by a shipwreck and now have all accidentally met. Antipholus, aren’t you originally from Corinth?
Ant. S: No, not me. I came from Syracuse.
Duke Solinus: Stand away from each other, I can’t tell who’s who.
Ant. E: I came from Corinth, your highness.
Dro. E: and I came with him.
Ant. E: I was brought here by your famous warrior uncle, Duke Menaphon.
Adr: which of you had dinner with me today?
Ant. S: I did, babe
Adr: are you not my husband?
Ant.E: no, he’s not.
Ant. S: I agree, although she did call me her husband. And her sister called me brother. (To Luciana) If all this is true, I hope I can make up for all that stuff I said to you today.
Angelo: that’s the chain I gave you, man.
Ant. S: I think it is. I won’t deny it.
Ant. E: and because of that chain you arrested me.
Angelo: I think I did, I won’t deny it.
Adr: I sent bail money but I don’t think Dromio ever gave it to you.
Dro. E: No, I didn’t.
Ant. S: Dromio gave me your purse of money. I realize we kept running into each others servants and that’s where all this confusion came from.
Ant. E: I want to use this money to bail my dad out.
Duke Solinus: that’s not necessary, I’m letting your father live.
Courtesan: I need that diamond back.
Ant. E: here it is, and thank you.
Aemilia:duke, come with us in the abbey and we'll figure all this out. then we will partaaay!
Duke: I'd love to! Exit all but Ant S Ant E Dro S and Dro E
Dro S: should i get your stuff off the boat?
AntE: what stuff did you put on a boat?
Dro S: the stuff you had at the Centaur.
Ant S: he means me. come inside, we can deal with that later. for now, hang out with your brother! Ant S and E exit.
Dro S: you have a heavy babe back at your place, she made me food today, thinking I was you. I guess she's my sister-in-law, not my wife. Dro E: i think you're my mirror, not my brother. and i can tell by looking at you that i must be really hot. wanna go party?
Dro. S: you first, you're the oldest
Dro E: good point, how can we tell who is older?
Dro S: we can play rock paper scissor shoe. but for now get your ass at that party!
Dro E: nah, we were born as brothers, let's go in together! They exit
Angelo: Sorry to bother you, but that guy had my chain, even though he won’t admit it.
Second Merchant: What kind of person is he?
Angelo: He’s very respected and wealthy
SM: Shh! Here he comes!
Enter Ant S and Dro S
Ang: Yeah, that’s him. He’s wearing my chain. I’ll talk to him. Mr. Antipholus, you’re wearing my chain. How can you say you don’t have it?
Ant S: I never said I didn’t have it.
SM: You did, you swore you didn’t.
Ant S: No I didn’t.
SM: I heard you say it! You’re so dishonest, they should lock you up!
Ant: You’re the liar! I’ll fight you!
SM: Fine!
*Switchblades*
Enter Adriana, Luciana, and Kristal
Adriana: Stop him! Get his knife! And Dromio too!
Dro S: Run!
Enter the Abbess Amelia
Amelia: What are you doing here?
Adriana: Getting my husband. He’s crazy
Ang: I knew it!
SM: Now I’m sorry I fought him.
Amelia: How long has he been like this?
Enter Duke Solinus attended; Aegeon bareheadsmen; with the Headsman and other officers
Duke: If anyone wants to pay the bail, he won’t have to loose his head.
Adr: Please, my husband Antipholus is mad, we chased them down after they stole rings, but they scared us off with knives and went into this gate.
Duke: Someone go knock on the gate.
Enter Servant
Servant: They got away
Adr: Liar!
Enter Antipholus of E and Dromio of E
Ant of E: Duke, grant me justice, my wife, she has dishonored me, causing great shame.
Duke: Tell me how
Ant of E: How?! She locked me out of my own house
Duke: Lady is this true?!
Adr: No today we all ate together
Angelo: They are both at fault, no wonder Antipholus of E charges them.
Ant of E: Sir, I’m not drunk nor mad. My wife locked me out. This goldsmith was a witness and he told me to go fetch a chain promising to bring it to where we ate. It was not brought by the time we finished so I went looking for him, and he arrested me.
Angelo: Sir, I am a witness to this all.
Duke: So did he have the chain or no?
2nd Merchant: I heard you confess that you had the chain and when I drew a knife on you, you ran into this ally and you now appear by magic.
Ant of E: I never came between these walls until now and I have never seen the chain.
Duke: I think you are all mad. Call the owner of the house here now.
Exit one to Abbess
Aegeon: Shut up for a sec! I think I see a friend who will help me outta here!
Duke Solinus: Whatever, dude
Aegeon: (to Ant. of E) Aren’t you Antipholus? And isn’t that Dromio, your slave?
Dro. of E: He owned me an hour ago, but thankfully he freed me.
Aegeon: I’m sure you both remember me!
Dro. of E: Actually you remind us of ourselves. We were tied up a little while ago, just like you are now. You’re not Pinch’s patient, are you?
Aegeon: Why are you looking at me like I’m crazy? You know me well!
Ant. Of E: I have never seen you before in my life!
Aegeon: Well, i have gotten some wrinkles. But don’t you remember my voice?
Ant. of E: No
Aegeon: Dromio, Do you?
Dro. of E: No, trust me, I really don’t.
Aegeon: I’m sure you do.
Dro. of E: Fine, but I’m sure I don’t. back off!
Aegeon: You don’t know my voice!? Seven years and I’ve become so weak that my only son can’t recognize me? I may be old and forgetful, but I’m sure that you’re my son Antipholus.
Ant. of E: I’ve never seen my dad in my whole life.
Aegeon: You know that we split up seven years ago in Syracuse. Maybe you’re ashamed to acknowledge that you know me because I’m a pathetic prisoner.
Duke Solinus: I can tell you, I’ve been looking after Antipholus for twenty years and I know he’s never been to Syracuse. Your old age is making you hallucinate.
Enter Aemilia with Ant. of S and Dro. of S.
Aemilia: Duke, come see this guy who has been totally bitched out
All gather to see him
Adr: Either I am hallucinating, or I see two hubbies
Duke Solinus: one of these men is the other’s Genius. And same with the other two; which is the real guy and which is the spirit?
Dro. of S: I, sir, am Dromio. Tell him to leave.
Dro. of E: I, sir, am Dromio! Please let me stay.
Ant. S: You’re Aegeon, aren’t you? Or are you his ghost?
Dro. S: Oh, my old master! Who tied him up here?
Aemilia: Whoever tied him up, I will loosen the ropes and with his freedom gain a husband. Aegeon, are you the man that once had a wife named Aemilia who gave birth to two sons? If you are him, speak up! You are speaking to that same Aemilia!
Aegeon: If I’m not dreaming, you are Aemilia. If you really are her, tell me, where is the son that floated away with you on that deadly raft?
Aemilia: Some men in Epidamnum rescued me, him, and the twin Dromio. But fishermen in Corinth kidnapped my son and Dromio and left me in Epidamnum. I don’t know what happened to them after that.
Duke Solinus: These must be the parents to these twins, who were once separated by a shipwreck and now have all accidentally met. Antipholus, aren’t you originally from Corinth?
Ant. S: No, not me. I came from Syracuse.
Duke Solinus: Stand away from each other, I can’t tell who’s who.
Ant. E: I came from Corinth, your highness.
Dro. E: and I came with him.
Ant. E: I was brought here by your famous warrior uncle, Duke Menaphon.
Adr: which of you had dinner with me today?
Ant. S: I did, babe
Adr: are you not my husband?
Ant.E: no, he’s not.
Ant. S: I agree, although she did call me her husband. And her sister called me brother. (To Luciana) If all this is true, I hope I can make up for all that stuff I said to you today.
Angelo: that’s the chain I gave you, man.
Ant. S: I think it is. I won’t deny it.
Ant. E: and because of that chain you arrested me.
Angelo: I think I did, I won’t deny it.
Adr: I sent bail money but I don’t think Dromio ever gave it to you.
Dro. E: No, I didn’t.
Ant. S: Dromio gave me your purse of money. I realize we kept running into each others servants and that’s where all this confusion came from.
Ant. E: I want to use this money to bail my dad out.
Duke Solinus: that’s not necessary, I’m letting your father live.
Courtesan: I need that diamond back.
Ant. E: here it is, and thank you.
Aemilia:duke, come with us in the abbey and we'll figure all this out. then we will partaaay!
Duke: I'd love to!
Exit all but Ant S Ant E Dro S and Dro E
Dro S: should i get your stuff off the boat?
AntE: what stuff did you put on a boat?
Dro S: the stuff you had at the Centaur.
Ant S: he means me. come inside, we can deal with that later. for now, hang out with your brother!
Ant S and E exit.
Dro S: you have a heavy babe back at your place, she made me food today, thinking I was you. I guess she's my sister-in-law, not my wife.
Dro E: i think you're my mirror, not my brother. and i can tell by looking at you that i must be really hot. wanna go party?
Dro. S: you first, you're the oldest
Dro E: good point, how can we tell who is older?
Dro S: we can play rock paper scissor shoe. but for now get your ass at that party!
Dro E: nah, we were born as brothers, let's go in together!
They exit